I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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