ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
