I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
