the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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