I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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