so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
