Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thus making me awesome and them whores
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
