Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
