I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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