Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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