Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just invented taco cereal.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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