hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
