So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
do nipples grow back?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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