i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
