I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
