Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
