just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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