ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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