Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
