he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
