Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
