I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
