Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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