I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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