grandma shit on top of the toilet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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