Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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