Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
