between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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