Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
