yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
