Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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