Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
