I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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