so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
