loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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