her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
