So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
