There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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