is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize