hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
