as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
