i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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