i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are we still banned from the library?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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