$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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