Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
