If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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