Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
