On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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