Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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