OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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