I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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