Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
