i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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