Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
