A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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