i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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