I will die if light touches me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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