Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
