1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
